I’ve posed the idea to others before, and people aren’t always sure what I mean, but I have in my heart a small collection of songs, movies, and even foods that are tied up in the memory of someone. I have songs I don’t want to listen to. I have movies that I won’t watch. I have foods and restaurants that I would choose not to visit.
But if I watch, if I listen, sit down in a familiar chair, memories and people come flooding back to me.
It can be the smallest of moments, the shortest of melodies, and my mind starts to wander.
For example, I’m not going to watch 13 Going On 30 any time soon. I’m not going to listen to that song that reminds me of the summer when I was 18. I even have a certain pair of pajamas that I intentionally abandoned in Canada because they remind me of someone.
Which brings me to my next question. Why do I avoid these things? Am I avoiding objects or am I avoiding memories? Is it all in self-defense? In defense of what? My own life?
As I sit back and consider my Pandora’s box, i wonder if the other people tied up in these memories still share them with me. I think that’s what I’m afraid of. Small moments and things that meant so much to me might mean nothing to the others involved. I suppose I’m making believe that they didn’t mean anything to me, either.
But I would be wrong.