So I boarded the plane armed with 2 magazines and a brand new book I bought at the airport news stand. I had my portable CD player and a whole booklet of cds. It was a total 5 hour flight and 2 hour layover. I didn’t read a word of my material. I had my music on but I wasn’t really listening. I was nervous as hell. As it turned out, Eisley was playing a show in Dallas the night of our arrival. It was the perfect place to meet for the first time. Lots of people around, live music, good times. I admit I was relieved that our first meeting was going to be very public and yet very private. Everyone else would be distracted by the band to notice that I was staring hopelessly at Robert.
My flight ended up being delayed because of snow in Minneapolis. Thus, I was late getting in. When Chad picked me up, we rushed back into Deep Ellum and arrived at the show which was already in progress. The place was packed but it took me less than 5 seconds to find Robert in the crowd. I can’t explain it, really. I worked my way through the crowd and appeared at his side! We hugged excitedly, and then turned to face the stage. I spent the next hour struggling not to reach out and grab his hand, or to lean my head on his shoulder. Gosh he smelled good. He looked good. I just wanted to touch him. Any kind of physical contact would do. I stopped listening to the music and at that point I could just hear it in the background. My knees were turning into jello, my heart was racing, and I hadn’t even spoken to him yet.
When the show was over, we finally got the chance to talk. Naturally we talked about the show and how good it was and how lucky we were that they’d scheduled a show that night after I’d already bought my plane tickets. The group of us (Robert, Chad, Cathleen,myself, and a few more people from the forum) decided to go get coffee at a place down the street. At this point Cathleen had been away to school so we hadn’t seen each other since our trip to Toronto several months before. We spent the bulk of the evening catching up and being giddy teenagers. Did I want to secretly run away somewhere with Robert and spend two more hours just staring at him, making sure he was real? You bet. But I still was unsure how he felt about me. The awkwardness was unexpected. I’d never really been in that situation before. We kind of had to feel each other out before we could really interact with each other.
We didn’t arrive back at Chad’s apartment until the wee hours of the morning. We all went our separate ways and found places to sleep. But I didn’t sleep. I laid in Chad’s sister’s bed and thought about the man in the other room. And I wondered if he was thinking about me, too. It took everything I could not to start crying. I was overwhelmed. All I wanted to do was sneak out and spend time with him one on one. I became less grateful for the mutual meeting place with every second that ticked by 4:47:13am….. 4:47:14am…. I finally fell asleep somewhere around 5am and woke up a mere 3 hours later.
It was a disaster. After all of the anticipation, I nearly let one sleepless night flush all this potential down the toilet.
Tags: My story