I guess I’ll start off by coming right out with it.
I’m two days late.
This probably means nothing. This probably means I didn’t ovulate in October the way I did in both August and September.
I’m symptom free. No nausea. No tender boobs. (neither of which I had last time around)
But there is exhaustion. And constipation. (both of which I had last time around but both of which can be coincidental)
I’m trying to remain as indifferent to this situation as possible. I took an early pregnancy test last wednesday and it came back negative. Too soon? Maybe. I purchased some cheapies from the dollar store and will probably take one tomorrow. No clue how it will result. I have a feeling it will be negative if only because that seems to be the way my luck goes with my body.
But if it’s positive….
I just don’t know what I’ll do. I’ll be cautiously optimistic, but I’ve expected such big battles to have children and I have yet to have any battles, other than battles with my own psyche.
I guess I’m just sitting here with my internal battles.
and I’m afraid.
I’m afraid of taking a test and having it be negative, and my period never shows up for another 6 months for no apparent reason.
I’m afraid of taking a test and having it be positive, and being happy and excited and something happens to the pregnancy.
I’m afraid of taking a test and having it be positive, I’m afraid of taking a test and having it be negative.