losing the battle, winning the war?

I guess I’ll start off by coming right out with it.

I’m two days late.

This probably means nothing. This probably means I didn’t ovulate in October the way I did in both August and September.

I’m symptom free. No nausea. No tender boobs. (neither of which I had last time around)

But there is exhaustion. And constipation. (both of which I had last time around but both of which can be coincidental)

I’m trying to remain as indifferent to this situation as possible. I took an early pregnancy test last wednesday and it came back negative.  Too soon? Maybe.  I purchased some cheapies from the dollar store and will probably take one tomorrow. No clue how it will result. I have a feeling it will be negative if only because that seems to be the way my luck goes with my body.

But if it’s positive….

well.

I just don’t know what I’ll do. I’ll be cautiously optimistic, but I’ve expected such big battles to have children and I have yet to have any battles, other than battles with my own psyche.

I guess I’m just sitting here with my internal battles.

and I’m afraid.

I’m afraid of taking a test and having it be negative, and my period never shows up for another 6 months for no apparent reason.

I’m afraid of taking a test and having it be positive, and being happy and excited and something happens to the pregnancy.

I’m afraid of taking a test and having it be positive, I’m afraid of taking a test and having it be negative.

I’m afraid.

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5 Responses to “losing the battle, winning the war?”

  1. XandraExpressions Says:

    oh hun, I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you and send prayers! Don’t stress about it, just go with the flow. Just take it one day at a time. don’t worry about a thing till you know for sure if you are or are not pregnant. you can cross the other bridges when you get to them. I am rooting for you!

  2. Ash Says:

    Hey there! This being my first time, I shall not rush into assumptions but I gotta ask, you trying to have another baby? I am! I’ve been drying for over a year ;( and it makes me angry EVERY month that I’m not. I’ve been a day or two late before and it sucks when the monster appears. Bloohhhyyy. I’m always exhausted though but i’m blaming our new dog and my overly active daughter :p lol I feel ya though. I’m definitely on the same boat as you are. You’re in my prayers doll. I hate taking tests too. When I first got my positive (way before my daughter) my next test and the test after that was negative. I got +, -, -. Son of a… yeah! So, when I finally got pregnant with her I got my + and then six + after that. Talk about pure denial ya? Lol. But I had to make sure. Keep your head up! This might seem hard to do – but don’t think about it for now. Let the days come on it’s on and let this pregnancy just happen if it is which I hope by the end of year at least one of us might be 🙂 a lot of people are preggo. My daughters godparents JUST announced that they’re having a baby a year after their son 😦 mines been 2 years now. Boo hoo. Good luck.

    ps. i’m adding you to my links.

    • leighish29 Says:

      The husband and I have been talking for quite some time that we’d like to have another child within the next year or so. This month would have been a little earlier than we’d planned but I would never object. I kinda knew that we were timing it right and waiting the 2 weeks to see if I started again was the longest two weeks of my life. Now I’m late and I’m kind of scared to face the reality of it either way. I just need to rip off the bandage and pee on a damn stick.

  3. Amy Says:

    Much love to you, lady. I’ll be thinking of you! I think all of your feelings are “normal”- there are good and bad things about everything…especially something as monumental as having a baby! Keep me updated!<3

  4. Caity Says:

    Whatever it is, hun, I’m sure it will all work out!! ❤

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