I will never forget the first time I was able to buy my own underwear. I don’t mean choosing between two packages of Hanes (prints or solids? I went prints every time.) I mean taking my own money and leering over neatly arranged tables of panties of all shapes and sizes. We didn’t have Victoria’s Secret where I grew up. We had a similar store called La Senza that, turns out, is pretty much the same damn thing. I remember having a love/hate relationship with the concept of cute underwear. I loved cute underwear because it fit in with my personality. I hated cute underwear because they were almost never in my size. Most of my life, I was a big girl. Okay, I’ll cut the crap. I was a fattie. Fat girls don’t often get to wear cute underwear off the neatly arranged tables of Victoria’s Secret. I took whatever I could get. After I met Robert, I began looking more toward the lingerie areas of the store. Suffice it to say, I took whatever I could get there, also. I spent a lot of my life settling for whatever they had in my size because I didn’t want to go back to wal-mart underwear. When I moved to TX, at some point I needed new bras. I was a 42 C which was an odd size to come by. Until it dawned on me to order over the internet. I found Frederick’s of Hollywood! Amid all the sleazy and tacky garments on FoH, I found plus sized bras, panties, and even lingerie. Woohoo! I’m in fat girl underwear heaven!
When I was pregnant with James, I could no longer wear most of the cute panties I had acquired over the years. When I was healing from my C-section, I bought hi-cut briefs to help hold everything in place. And thus I had reverted back to Hanes. I gained weight and expanded to a 44C cup and a Hanes size nine. When I had to buy a maternity swimsuit six months post-partum, I’d hit my tipping point. I was going to lose weight once and for all. And this time, I mean it! For real. No joke.
I will never forget the day I bought my first bra from Victoria’s Secret in a 36B. I took it out of the packaging (online shopping) and held it up. It looked so small. so tiny. I hope I can return it. I better try it anyway. It fit. Perfectly. What about the matching medium panties? Perfect. the right level of taught. No red marks or overstretched fabric. I had changed my entire body over the course of 8 months (I’ve been plateauing for six months) and only now was it really clear to me. Sure, I appreciated the emerging of my bones. I enjoyed my armpits actually being pits. Heck, I was overjoyed when my thighs no longer touched. But this? my underwear? I couldn’t bear it. I cried tears of joy. I walked around in my underwear all day (much to the amusement of my then 13 month old son). I wanted to go running down the street shouting “Look everyone!! I can wear cute underwear!”
My drawer runneth over with panties. My postpartum hanes have been demoted to my period panties. I even still have a few choice pairs from my La Senza days. My Fredericks garb is long gone with the exception of a few pieces of lingerie that still fit (which is somewhat alarming…). All the panties that remain (and the pairs I have replaced them with) are stuffed into the underwear drawer that Robert and I share. I am basically taking over. I don’t waste my time folding my panties because I’m going to dig through them on a daily basis. Open my drawer right now and this is what you will see….
Judge me about my Pink Leopard print all you want, but you should know I have two more pairs in lime green and aquamarine.
The aquamarine has zebra stripes.
Tags: Girl Talk Thursday